right vs wrong

stopnow..

2009-10-16T04:24:00.000-07:00

i have a new interest now..
i don't feels like blogging anymore.
i now have a place to put my joy,tears and anger..
hoyyeh!! hoyyeh!! hoyyeh!!

shout out

2009-10-10T12:29:00.000-07:00

Ayin..my soulmate. u always there for me. a true definition of partner-in-crime. dun worry too much about your future. if you are meant to be. nothing can change that. just go with the flow while at the same time keep on praying and ENJOY your life. oh..try to stop teasing me with my sengal attitude!!
Yatt...you are one wonderful girl. kau la kwn aku yg sgt 'loyal' to your other half. so while kau bkn in loyal mode,lets enjoy our single life together before you get busy with your NEW life later. he's out there somewhere but i'm here..always here..so,let's go for movie,swimming,futsal,mamak,jln2,go crazy and what-not..we had our fun and let's continue doing it!we are married to each other remember?
Elin..knowing you is a blessing. credits to yatt. you have your sengal k.ros around but it didn't keep us away from having fun. k.ros is a good person. mainly sbb die xkisah melayan kesengalan aku, yatt n ko secara berkumpulan. treasure him. love his good and bad.
K.ros..sila layan/jaga/sayang elin. sbb aku tau mana nak carik ko if u hurt her.heheh..
Man..you are like a brother i never had. at the same time you are a friend yg sgt rugi kalau hilang. no matter what. thank you.
zafrul..you are one nice guy. but your words that you describe me to your gf is ridiculous. "SYG TP X DPT" WTH? treat her nice. remember you choose her. go for it.we'll remain friends. i prefer the idea of us as a friend more than anything.
Apink/Awazsayang/Apek/Airdy..sayang korang sampai mati. xmau hilang korang. yet xleh lepak slalu like dulu2..sheeshh...
Izra..i rasa sheila da start giving you a green light sign. go for it,babe!!
ezany@bay..where on earth are you??sibuk bercinta sampai x igt scandal lama ke?? hate you!heh..
Opah..i'm sorry of what happen to you right now. be strong. i'm around if you need me. anytime.

ishq

2009-10-06T12:40:00.000-07:00

muhabbat hay mushkil karnaa
woh hay kiyoon log sar anjaan dena paagal cheez kab woh hayn andaar ishq
yaa log hayn munsif paagal

i wish Ramadhan never end

2009-09-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

aku da berbulan xbole tido mlm, so i always wide awake during sahur.i called zafrul this morning for wake up cal...then zafrul ckp,u...tinggal 2 minggu je lg puasa...suddenly aku rasa mcm suffocate...aku literally xleh bernafas...i am so happy during this ramadhan...aku try my best utk x gaduh ngan mama or even adik beradik aku...aku try to refrain myself from doing anything bad...to be frank,the reason i did that not only because ini bln Ramadhan,tp sbb bulan ini lah papa ada dgn kami...aku selalu ckp sorang2 (read:i am not crazy) as if aku borak ngan papa...i remember,while studying at 4am, i said.."pa,kalau la Haniz pass paper ni...Haniz belanja diri sendiri kambing!!" papa tau aku x mkn kambing,and aku tau papa suka kambing!! sgt...aku sgt bahagia Ramadhan ini...pelik..sbb Ramadhan ini papa takde dgn aku,tp aku sgt treasure every second thinking that he is with me...tapi...Ramadhan almost over...aku rasa mcm nk stop the time...so that Syawal never comes...sorry...aku tau salah utk aku fikir camni...i can't help it. Tapi xpe, aku sudah tahu cara utk bersabar. Maka, aku akan bersabar dgn dugaan tuhan ini.aku akan cuba utk tak sedih bila Ramadhan pergi.Aku akan cube tak nangis bila malafazkan takbir menyambut Syawal dan menghantar papa pergi ke "tempat" dia.Aku akan doakan papa pergi dlm keadaan tenang dan handsome seperti biasa. Aku akan sabar tunggu "masa" aku akan jumpa papa.aku sudah tak kisah tidak mimpikan papa. aku pernah mengadu, menangis dekat Tuhan, ayin ngan amir sbb aku x mimpikan papa. tapi sekarang aku cuma perlu bersabar. sbb aku yakin Tuhan akan tetap jumpa kan aku dgn papa.Aku cuma perlu yakin dgn kuasa Tuhan, tunaikan tanggungjawab aku sbg hamba dan sabar. kan? tapi aku masih mengharap Syawal lambat lagi...Haish..susah betul utk Haniz berubah!!

sick of being sick

2009-08-12T03:43:00.000-07:00

among other things yg aku admire dekat papa was his willingness to do everything sincerely...
mintakla kat papa apa sahaja...selagi hanya perlu guna tenaga...dia selalu akan ckp OK...
contohnya, after his long busy day and suddenly terasa cam nakgi 7E beli air coke in the middle of the night...cakap saja dekat papa...he will make a goofy face and suddenly tgk die dah siap pegang kunci motor and ask,"nak pegi x?" (pjg aku explain..huhu)
so,now that he's gone...aku cuba utk jdk mcm papa...cuba utk buat semua selagi aku terdaya...tp aku x mcm papa,papa x complain...aku kdg2 complain!! hehe...i was tested few weeks before Ramadhan when jaja got sick and requiring us to make few trips to Sabak-KL-Sabak-KL (i lost count!) and then off to Gemas to settle some errands...then my body cannot tahan already...i was hit with fever,flu,cough,sorethroat,headache and body pains..went to the clinic twice as i found out i was allergic with the antibiotic and give me a hell-like pain!!!
then come friday where i was supposed to fetch Jaja,and after taking the meds i was so sure that i can drive to fetch Jaja as promised...but alhamdulillah i collapse upon arriving at umah cik ya.i can't imagine if i passed out while driving! then i admit that i wasn't as strong as papa..don't get me wrong here,i am not complaining or anything...it is my responsibility to do whatever that i did before...i know i was also sick due to my eating habits and my insomnia problem..i just wish that i am stronger physically and mentally if not like him..ALMOST? can? haha..i'm ok now...except for the flu and cough that refuse to go away...and missing him badly...especially during the fever and having to drive myself to the clinic was more painful than the physical pain itself...i kinda missing having that GUY to send me to the clinic when i am sick..people,u might be bored to have to read this..tell you the truth,i just wish to ease the feels of missing him like this...cause it hurts more than getting sick...

best of you..

2009-08-04T08:40:00.000-07:00

"@!#$ la ko pink..ko claim ko kwn aku..ko claim ko syg aku..mana ko when i need u hah??"
"demm u..ko yg tinggalkan aku.."
"apsal ko xnk carik aku?"
"sbb aku xnk terhegeh2 kat ko..ko yg call aku out of nowhere marah2"
"ko ego..say it!!"
"ye..aku ego.."
"ko mmg keji ko tau x.."
"kalo aku keji aku x pick up call ko..aku xkan call blk kan??"

despite whatever happened,i found my old friend back..
it's been almost 6 months i guess we haven't talk to each other..
but now..i won't stop at anything for any friendship that i have.
pink..i'm sorry and thanks for still being my friend!!

day 1

2009-07-28T07:45:00.001-07:00

aku gerak gi cherating with literally EMPTY heart...
aku drive with 50-50 feelings to go...
tp on the way tu...aku baca doa...
"Ya,Allah...u have every rights utk xnk lindung aku sepanjang aku gerak ni...
tp aku mintak kalau kau sudi lg pandang aku as hamba mu...
kau lindunglah aku dr kebodohan dlm membuat keputusan,dr hambamu lain yg berniat jahat,dr makhlus halus ciptaanmu,dr bencana...sbb semuanya dtg dr kau...kalau apa2 terjadi...aku tetap redha..tp aku mintak kau tlg la tgk2 kan mama tu...heh"
so aku pon drive la...aku drive sgt slow...sbb aku xkejar pape pon...
sampai kan pakcik polis yg tgh buat speed trap kat bwh jambatan pon aku bole lambai!!(bangga sbb aku bwk slow...tp pakcik polis tu xtau aku xde lesen!!!hahahaha...)
aku trus drive gi KT sbb aku lapa n aku nk mkn kopok losong...aku minum ngan air sirap...
sedap gile...pas2 aku jln2 cket then aku patah blk cherating...aku mmg plan nakg KT tp sepatutnye bkn on 1st day...huhu...otw gi cherating...aku pening pk nk tido mana...aku smpai kat camp site...tp bile aku ckp nk sewa tent,pakcik tu mrh aku...ckp bahaya lah...nk ujan lah...tolak rezeki tol pakcik tu...tp mungkin Allah menjauhkan aku dr "kebodohan membuat keputusan", maka aku trus gi tmpat makcik duyung yg keji...(aku mmg benci die sejak beberapa tahun lepas...),tp aku just nk bg makcik duyung excited ada customer je!!aku masuk dlm utk buat uturn je...pas2 aku gi check in kt tempat lain...aku crk bilik yg kiri kanan ada org..sbb aku penakut...time aku tgh terkial2 nk bukak pintu...minah saleh bilik sebelah tegur aku...(nama die elodi)french..."alone?"..."err...yep!u?"..."with partner..you from here?" aku da start bosan...sbb aku nk kejar sembahyang and aku penat gile..."no...see...i have to pray for a while...talk to u later,ya!" mmg la aku xkan kua semata nk ckp ngan die kn...dhla aku xpaham sgt ape die ckp!!aku kan MELAYU....heheh....da setel sume,aku amik buku "aku terima nikahnye..." pegi kat batu2 tepi laut...dgn air coke...perasan foreigner cket la time tu...eventho baca buku bertajuk itu...huhu...baru 2 chapter aku baca...elodi dtg...tp kali ni die bwk gang...didier(partner die),jaeden ngan tedric...aku suspect jaeden ngan tedric gay..kali ni aku paham ape deyrang ckp...sbb jaeden ngan tedric american...kitorang plan nakgi dinner...tp aku tinggalkan deyrang,sbb aku nakgi amek gambar serombong api kat kerteh tu...huhu...tp aku end up mkn kat tmpat aku,ayin,man ngan amir penah mkn time trip kitorang dtg sini...time tu aku cam sedey sbb tis time aku mkn sorang...smpai je kat chalet,aku nmpak elodi kat depan pintu bilik aku...ape kebenda la minah ni nak????aku senyum...then die ckp,"wanna play ball?"..."oh,yeah!!!" time tu aku x sedar aku ni pendek....hasilnye...deyrang confuse aku ngan bola...sbb dgn aku2 skali tergolek kat pasir tu...didier tolak aku kat laut tgh2 mlm tu...aku emo gile!!!lepas main kitorang lepak kat luar...aku minum air mineral...deyrang minum air kencing setan...time borak...elodi tanya aku asal mana sbb kot2 la die nak dtg kan...aku ckp,"i'm from chemor...u know where?"...sume pn buat muke kayu
best jugak membodohkan mat saleh ni...

i just dun feel like...

2009-07-22T07:34:00.000-07:00

shud i say more?

shud i leave now?

shud i just stop hoping?

shud i keep it to myself?

coz...i just dun feel like...

no guts...

2009-07-16T02:36:00.000-07:00

just read ayin's blog...
pasal komen yg die 'jamak' kan trus tu..
hehe..
about my entry tribute to papa...
still trying to find the guts to write about papa...
because i always ends up suffocate...
guess i am not strong yet to write about it...
or maybe i am still in denial..
i dunno...
but...life goes on...
will come back on it...
hehe

nice one!

2009-07-14T03:01:00.000-07:00

"zaf...feels like hanging out in kl today?"
"in the office la.."
"nah...be there in 10 mins...tell dave u got migraine or anything"
"hah??"
so...he was with me settling my errands...always nice to have sumone accompanying me doing all the matters...
to k.zila's sis hse...then tm point...then car wash...then sunway college...then uitm...
none of the above involve any kopitiam, shopping mall, mc d or any other hot spot to chill...as some might say...heh
but it was fun!!!
"crazy la u..."
"wat did u tell dave"
"migraine?"
"wat did he say"
"come back tomorrow?"
fun...
thanks zaf for your time,ya!!!
and also thanks for buying me those books!!
"have you watched syurga cinta?"
"nope..i tunggu die kua astro je time raya nnt"
"bought the dvd last night"
"no you didn't!!"
"for my 'mental' sis laa" (sorry ayin!!!hahaha!!)
"why syurga cinta?"
"she got this 'movie night' there..so,kinda getting over their homesick by watching the malays?"
and both of us...
"LEMMAHHH LEMBUUUTTT!!!!"
fun zaf...fun...

tribute to my papa (episode 3)

2009-06-10T06:36:00.000-07:00

oh, where... oh, where...
can my baby be...
the lord took him away from me...
he's gone to heaven...
so i've got to be good...
so i can see my baby when i leave this world...

i was looking for you pa...
hoping you would come in my dreams...
you would come next to me...
but i guess i was looking too far...
you are always here with me...
your blood are in my veins...
your traits are in us...
i should have known...
i just miss you so much,pa...

yang dulu usah dirindu...
hilangkanlah demi kasihmu...
doaku buatmu kekasih...

"Pa!! ramli sarip la!!!
suara kena betull!!!"
yep...i miss that moment...
keep on playing in my head whenever i miss you...
i will not hurt myself missing you...
i will make you happy by praying for you...
i hope it reaches you...

seumpama rama-rama...
terbang bebas di udara tanpa ada halangan...
riang ria tanpa ada...
rasa duka sengketa...

i hope you'll be free like your favorite song there...
i hope you won't feel any pain out there...
ayin told me that you'll be given a 'hijab' to see us here...
pls laugh when i made a joke...
pls be proud when i do something good...
pls dun be mad when i tease mama, ayin and adik2...
pls forgive me if i forgot to be a good girl...
i love u,pa...

di pondok kecil...di pantai ombak...
berbuih putih...beralun-alun...
di suatu hari ayah berkata...
jaga adikmu...
ayah kan pergi jauh...

pa...u never told me that...
u never let me know that you are leaving us...
but i promise you i will take care of adik2...
jauh sungguh papa pegi...
i miss u...

video released..

2009-04-28T06:38:00.000-07:00

to elin n k.ros..
as per requested..
haha!!
to the rest..enjoy!!

*no kodok was harmed during the making of this video.

Cheer up..

2009-04-26T00:57:00.000-07:00

To Yatt..
Hari ini kau datang riang..
Tersenyum buatku senang..
Kau hias dirimu..
Membuat hati bertambah sayang..
Tapi semalam wajahmu muram..
Mengapa dewi mengapa..
Adakah au bersalah..
Cubalah dewi katakan..
Jangan dewi..jangan begitu..
Senyum..senyumlah selalu..
Manis..riang..
wajah bertambah ceria!!

remember this song?
then remember how much i hate to see you CRY!

enough.

2009-04-19T04:19:00.000-07:00

I am DONE with all these drama of crying and heartbreaks..
Laugh at me all you want..
I am tumbling down now but...
i guarantee you i am not a quitter..
i have people that i know they will love me unconditionally..
i will stand up tall..
i will move forward without looking back anymore..
i will live my life only with people who'll appreciate me..
i will not break down and cry over this pathetic old me..

my other half..

2009-04-10T08:08:00.001-07:00

today..i left my phone at home...
since i was late so i never make the uturn...
then had dinner with the girls (that includes u eh k.ros!!)
yatt said,"kalo aku tertinggal phone aku x senang duduk..takut anything happen.."
i smirked...
when i arrived home..there are about 40 missed calls and 10 msgs from mama,papa,c.lik,c.ya..
sekampung lah msg asking about AYIN..
coz got accident involving bus in Mecca.
i snapped literally..
what yatt said haunts me..
i called ayin..but couldnt get through..worried level goes to 50%
called k.zila..she didn't pick up on the 1st attempt..worried level up to 60%
called fatima..couldnt get through...worried level up another 20%
i called man..hoping that ayin contacted her..but as man always do..he said nothing happen to her..asking me to stay calm..it helps..
i rushed to yatt's room...
another way that can help me to ease my worry is YATT..
i made another attempt to k.zila..and she picked up..
upon hanging up..my worried level goes down to 50%..
i am not convinced until i hear from my soulmate..i feel like crying..
then received sms from k.zila..
"Haniz, kak zila tnya a few MAQ commitee diorang ckp x de dpt news apa2 pn,lg pn maybe she ran out of credit,sbb roaming, last few days ada dia msg srh kak zila top up kan fon dia, x worry ada apa2 sure kitorang tau dulu, x worry"
thanks k.zila..thanks man..thanks yatt..
dear ayin..pls be safe..u promised me to be ok kan..
call me!!!

Breakfast jom!!

2009-04-09T08:36:00.000-07:00

Esok is FRIDAY..yay!!
I am SOOOO in the mood for breakfast tomorrow!!!
Oh..matahari pls come out!!
haha..happy friday!!

bunch of joy?

2009-04-05T03:02:00.001-07:00

With these girls...
being single...is not a problem to me!!
yay!!
thanks girls!!

weekend...oh weekend...

2009-03-28T23:54:00.001-07:00

it's wednesday..
and aku bosan..can't wait for the weekend!!
recap last weekend..
i did..
this

kalo korang nk buat kenduri or event and mengambil lelaki ini sebagai penghibur..xyah invite aku ye..
no offence!! tp bole invite yatt,elin dan k.ros!!

this
do u know how confusing colours can be?? (eheh..) red bole jd pink/white..tp kalau green kite ckp blue..ape ek kite panggil??? k.ros?peace!!

this

everybody kenal number kan??now..try this...as you drive and jln JAMMED..(bkn sumbat t*** ok!!) add the numbers..e.g 6+6+8+7=27..sape cepat menang!! sile jgn menjerit/mentibai jawapan anda!!!

this
oopss..aku tertido time cite ni..heheh...tp okla cite die..kott...sile tanye yatt..

and..this...

kalau nk tgk yatt berkelakuan luar biasa...sila letak mamat ni depan die..sungguh!!hilang gelak mengilai die!!trus tekun tgk AF!!katanye nk tunjuk kat anuar yg die minat industri tempatan (something like dat la..kan elin?) oh..dan elin suruh boyfriend die ke tepi sbb block VIEW die nk tgk mamat ni!!nsb baik die x soh k.ros balik!!heh..btw..kitorang tgh lepak minum time ternmpak mamat ni minum at the same place..

huh..esok baru thursday!!sheesh..bila nk wiken lg ni...

BDS la ko!!!

2009-03-26T05:20:00.000-07:00

i wanna go CRAP today...
sharing with you how crappy these people were on the road just now..
and how many B*D*S drivers i've encounter in just 1 hour!funny but true

Driver A - Ko B*D*S sbb beria rapat ngan keta depan becos xmau bg aku masuk...ko rapat la camne pon...jln jammed kott!!not like you are going to be thousands km away from me after i get into the line. aku bkn ptg queue,ok!!aku kua junction!!lgpon aku angkat tgn mtk nk masuk..rakyat malaysia beradab??tipu.

Driver B - Ko B*D*S sbb ko xsaba2 nk ptg queue smpai almost hit the abg motor on the other side..which part of JLN JAM yg ko x paham??chill jela in your line.nothing much you can do.if can't stand the pressure,take the lrt..xpon stay kat ofice tu dulu smpai jam subside.nobody wants to share the road with u anyway.

Driver C - Ko B*D*S sbb honk aku bile aku give way kat auntie tu to cross the road. Come on la wey!!it's drizzling and she's holding soooo many bags..ok,maybe die x street smart coz crossing the road like that.but hey..u dun have to wait for hours kott nk tunggu auntie tu cross!!WTH is wrong wit u la??

Driver D - Ko B*D*S sbb ko ptg queue aku..ko drpd blkng aku je kot..pas2 da jln mmg jam..xjauh ko beli pegi..Ko lebih B*D*S bile ttp nk overtake keta depan in JLN AMPANG..WTH??mmg xkan berjaya la attempt ko tu!!you are hillarious!!aku gelak gile..and i know u can see me!!maybe ko da termalu..dan ya..ko ikut emergency lane kat mrr2..but..bkn ko sorang je yg B*D*S di lane itu..maka ko ttp stuck bersama mereka yg seIQ dgn ko..and..bile lane aku berjaya pass keta ko..ko lah manusia plg B*D*S bile aku turn kat ko and show the VERY GOOD sign and you turn out to be..MY BOSS!!! wakakakakakaka!!!! BOSSKU BUDUS.

i locked myself again???

2009-03-16T06:44:00.000-07:00

Haniz is so well known with absent-minded attitude...
like mama always said,"kalau hidung tu x melekat,mesti hilang jugak!!"
i always misplace my things...
books,receipt,names,KEYS..name it!!
(ayin knows better!!)
recently,i locked my room and i brought different set of keys!!
so, me and yatt struggle like crazy to break in through the window panel...
mind you..this is like the 3rd time i locked the room with the keys inside!!(kan yatt??)
normally the windows are open..so,i have no problem to climb in..
but not this time!!
final result was...window knob patah!!sheeshh...
yatt ckp,"ko duplicate and bg aku kunci tu!!"
darm,"ko duplicate and letak kat depan"
huhu..sgt best housemate ku ini!!haha...
WILL DUPLICATE THE KEYS!! all of them!huhu..
any ideas on how to get rid of this PELUPE attitude???
it's killing me!!heh..

PRIVATE and CONFIDENTIAL

2009-03-10T07:46:00.000-07:00

Random talk...
if u are in a relationship...
here are some things that i think you shud consider...

Don't try to screen his/her phone to make sure that no particular rivals contacted him/her..
Don't browse his/her emails...
Don't sign in to his/her friendster/facebook
Don't go through his/her stuff and check his/her payslip to know how much he/she earned

come on la weh...respect la people cket...mmg la die partner ko...tp kalo dah camni...x suffocate ke?saje kan nk carik pasal??nk carik salah partner ko??
what the hell is your problem la??i know..aku pon penah buat perangai budus ni dulu...but i stop literally...the least i know the better...i believe he will always be true to me...BUT kalau kantoi...i have a very good reason to be mad kan??
after all relationship is about trust...kalo ko claim ko buat camtu sbb ko syg...tipu la...ko nk OWN die kott...
okeh...dah...gud night!!

i miss you...

2009-03-05T06:41:00.000-08:00

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

I am zainal's

2009-03-03T07:55:00.001-08:00

went to have dinner wit mama n papa...
eventho sgt sekejap we met...i am so in peace right now...
we actually planned to meet earlier...
but due to my workload since closing dateline is near and the heavy downpour
causing the LRT delaying its service for 3 hours and the traffic...
so we only manage to hv our dinner at around 10.40...
sampai je...i eagerly said,mama xmau tgk besday present mama ke???
(eventho it was't from me...heh...it's from ayin.i just can't wait to see their happy face since ayin is giving them something that they love!!)
when i gave mama's gift...as usual lah kan...tears rolled down...
she said chantek...mama suke...and when she read the card...the tears are heavier than the rain just now!!!heh...
papa is not the type who will show his emotions...control macho...
but when he saw his gift (watch) he automatically open his old ones and replace with the new one...
telling me,"niz,bukak kan plastic ni...set kan time...jgn ikut time doha plak..."hehe...
and the old one are safely placed in the case of the new one...
when i offered him to adjust tali jam...he said it's ok and he still looked at the watch while eating...
yin, u are not around to see all this...and i'm trying my best to describe the whole situation to u..
mama eat with your card on her lap...and she was the one who holds the paper bag before we leave the kedai makan...
i know they appreciate your gift...they love it because they got it from u...not because of the gift itself....
just so u know,i'm so glad to see all this and course to be apart of this family...
like u said,tho we are not perfect...we complete each other!!
love yah!!!

Undefined

2009-02-28T22:08:00.001-08:00

Please provide me strength and wisdom to face this
please grant me health to go through this
please don't take my loved ones coz they are my pillars of strength
and most of all PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME and help me through this
i promise not trying to complaint anymore for Ayin always reminds me
"Whatever that YOU give me...good or bad things...there's always reason behind it"
i believe it...i have faith in it...please test me because you still love me...

I NEED SOME SLEEP...

2009-02-24T07:54:00.000-08:00

it has been too many sleepless nights...
too many scary thoughts...
too many things in my head that won't go for at least 5-6 hours for my brain to rest...
i need a good sleep...
a peaceful one...

define it...

2009-02-11T05:24:00.001-08:00

wat does a kiss on valentine's day means???
if u received it from sumone who don't even give u a kiss before...
even during your birthday....
who once told you that he likes you...
and you told him that how you value the friendship...
but you can't go beyond that...
does it still consider as a "we-are-friend" kiss???
"i-love-you-as-a-friend" kiss????
sungguh....aku confuse...
and annoyed...sgt...
(yatt...ko diam!heh...)

stop,look,turn

2008-11-30T02:25:00.000-08:00

yep,that's what i'm going to do...

i'm going to stop for a while...

grieve,cry,yell until it drain me...

then i'm going to look back on the good memories i'm going to leave behind...

look back at all good times...

look at him for one last time...

and TURN AROUND...

moving on...

life goes on.

Dear Ayin...

2008-11-22T06:49:00.000-08:00

When we were kids…we’ll play at the ‘padang’ in front of our house in gemas. We were not so allowed to go and play at the field downhill our house.. but we had our friends screaming at our window at sharp 5-6 pm… “Jayyeeenn!!! Haniiizzz!!! Jum main galah panjang!!!” if it’s not galah panjang,it might be ‘rounders’ using any wood we cud find to make it as the bat and stole papa’s tennis ball…draw circles at the sandy field to play ‘kejar-kejar’…or else we went to play konda-kondi…when our beloved cousins (k.ina, harris and halim) came to our house during skool holidays…we’ll race riding our bicycle down the hill…and ran crazily back up when we heard papa’s bike roar…
I’m glad that I’m sharing my childhood with my sister, friends and cousins…

When it’s time for her to leave for the boarding school…we started to drift apart…maybe that time she already found her new circle…I was devastated…I was somehow alone…we no longer share our dirty little secrets, we never even talk but yelled and screamed at each other. And when I was accepted in the same school with her, things got even worse…this was also the time when we rarely talk with our cousins…
I wonder what went wrong, I wonder where were the close girls in that pink and blue jumpsuit????

But as time goes by…so does the dramas…still don’t know what was the turning point, she was in her final year and I was in form 3,we started to get along well… she even came and visit me during my spm week with her friend abg min in his yellow Volkswagen!! thanks guys!!! Things started to get better that time…she was in jb and I was in kl…I always made occasional visit and slept over in her college. I even joined her in her class one day!! She gave me the pre-uni class preview!!
We started to become partner in crime!! Coolness…

When mama fell ill…she was already home. Our family’s condition got worse. She never failed to hold my hands when I cried at her longing for mama to be ok and our financial to be better…it was raya when she told me in a very slow tone, “mama sakit,nanti kite pakai baju pape pon time raya xpe kan?” I remember nodded and say, “it’s oklah for 2 of us…at least get something for rehan and jaja” I followed her to jln tar and bought the baju raya…I can’t remember any expensive baju raya I had until now…except those ready-made rm30-40 baju raya she bought that day…I remember the colour, the shop, the design…when she style it in front of the mirror and said, “how do I look???”
I could never asked for a more strong and sweet sister like her!!!

When the storm hits her, I remembered seeing her crying and said, “I can’t go on, Nisz…” I stand behind her lifting her up when she’s about to fall. I hate to tell her that what she is doing is wrong. No matter how wrong it looked to me, I will never tell her it was wrong. I want her to see it herself coz 1 thing for sure I won’t tell her, “I told you so!!” (dgn muke keji. I hate it when people do that to me. I learnt my lessons my way. Shut up and go away!!) what I’ll do I will never give up to lend my ears, my thoughts, my hands, all of me. All wrongs will go right…eventually…
I’m so proud of her that she managed to go through it…that’s my girl!!!!

And now, my sister is having the time of her life…still there for me even she’s like thousands miles away…still holds my hand, still lift my spirit, still keeps my secrets, still share my passions, still the same…still my sister when we played kejar-kejar, still my friend to hide my mischief, still my teacher to teach me lessons of life, still my guts when I stumbles, still my role model, my soul-mate, my partner in crime, my friend, my sister, my AYIN.

Happy birthday dear sis…I could never ask for more…
Have a blessed life ahead…LOVE YA!!

Happy Brithday Papa

2008-11-13T03:26:00.000-08:00

So 54 years ago my hero was born…
27 years later on the same date, he was given a gift from my mom that a husband could ever asked for on their birthday…
A first child…a daughter…my soul mate…

I will never asked for a man with a ridiculously impossible super power to be my hero…
I don’t need a man who can fly…when I called him crying saying that I’m afraid with my coming exam and I freaked out that I forgot ayin’s phone number…
He was there on the very next day, smiling and mocking me for being such a baby…told you…he doesn’t have to be able to fly right?

When I cried like crazy over some unworthy EX-boyfriend, he doesn’t need the power to kill people with his mind…but that bloody EX-bf was as good as dead to me when he still pat me on my head telling me that it’s not worth it…(Even he always disapprove me and the ex all along…I was being stubborn.. yep,that’s me.)

I can’t say that I am his most beloved girl in his life since he got another 4 to give out his love equally… but I can say that he gives more than enough love and care in my life. I hope when I finally get married, he will be there… he will still be there to hold my first baby as on the day he was holding my soul mate and me… I hope he will be able to see my husband loves me as much as he loves my mom… (HE REALLY LOVES MY MOM…everybody knows that!!! ;p)…I hope he can sees it in my eyes how much I love my children as much he loves us…

Today is his birthday…my hero…I am wishing him upon all the stars that shines above me, for his good health, blissful life, red and warming heart and a full bless and prosperous life from my dear Allah… to my dear papa, haniz sayang papa…you knows it,I knows it…now, everybody knows it!!!
It’s true right…love is one of the most greatest feeling in this world…
So, folks…love your parents, sisters, husband, wives, friends and of course, YOURSELF!!! ONE LOVE.

The day I met a little angel...

2008-09-01T07:13:00.001-07:00

08.08.08 is the day he was born.

Qaid Uwais is his name.

Yes, this is the angel I met.

He is a charm. I am so in love with him!

Of course he is…he is one of my angel’s baby!

I hope I can be his guardian angel.

As much as I love his mommy…I would love him even more.

As much as I would do anything for his mommy…I would do more.

My dear little angel,

It’s a very big world out here.

Have fun out of it.

Grow up well, kiddo!

I LOVE YOU!!!

Well of course…BIG CONGRATULATION to my dear angel awazsayang and nan…

kampungku...

2008-08-16T09:28:00.000-07:00

I was on my way to send my sister to her school...
this time i bring amir along...
on our way...amir makes me realized that there were actually plenty of nice views on the way to my kampung..huhu..
hurm..

THE WEEKEND...

2008-08-16T08:47:00.000-07:00

The bride = ezan. a sweet little friend i met in uia...i think she is so lucky...and i really hope that she will have the marriage life that she has been dreaming of.amin..

the bride's maid = yatt.my best friend. i didn't get the chance to see her while doing the bride's maid 'job' but i'm sure she was rocking!! hehe...i think she looks gorgeous that day. i hope she will get married and of course have a good life onwards.amin...

This is my whereabouts last 2 weeks...i went to a friend wedding in muar, and had a blissfull weekend...ye...i start to realized that i am like writing an essay to submit to my english teacher.heh...crap!
but hell yeah it was a fun weekend!!!i like...

went to few places that day...woke up (not so early...explain why i missed the 'bersanding'...) and shoot to muar...that day was steaming hot!!! but thanks to mr.patient...he was all there to hear me nag,complained and sang my heart out....

this is US on our way to the wedding...sgt gembira kan saya!!huhu...

grab the chance to have dinner in harper's at the malacca riverbank..yeay!!! (thanx mr.patient!!)

mr.patient saya..

so..that's it..i end up pakai baju kurung till late...and WALK around malacca!!! INCLUDING the joker's street...hurm...i REALLY missed the time when me,ayin,man and yan travel dulu...uhuk!!

i hate rasputia.

2008-07-13T21:09:00.000-07:00

i hate rasputia.
i hate her so much!
i hate her!hate her!
HATE HER!

paranoid....

2008-06-22T03:33:00.000-07:00

i am paranoid.
i am scared.
i am trembling.

i asked amir and yatt how are we going to continue our life without mama and papa...
i haven't got the answer yet...
but...right now...my guts are challenging me...my heart are questioning me...myself are lost again...

i thought...

it would be cool to hang out till late at night without the annoying beeps and rings from the phone from 'PAPACOOL' asking my whereabout and when to be back...but wud it still be fun when the phone doesn't make the annoying sound because there is just no one to care?
to dress any way i want without nobody telling me it's wrong...would it still be fun if it is because there is also nobody to tell me what i wear is nice and beautiful and makes my day?
to fail in exam without feeling guilty and scared of disappointing them...will i still be happy if they are not around to say,"It's ok Haniz...bukan rezeki Haniz...try again next time..." i bet i will live with the guilt when they are not around...gosh!!!it sux...
to go back home without no one in the house...with or without them...it is NOT GOOD at all!!!!!!

i am scared...i am sad... i am confused...they are getting old...yes...i can accept that fact...but they are sick...i am NOT OK with that...

i know it all comes from the Almighty...well...i am hoping that Allah will ease their pain...will give them health...will give me the chance to redeem my wrongdoings towards them and be a good daughter as much as they dream of...

life goes on...

* To mama and papa...I LOVE YOU.

exam o exam...

2008-05-26T09:18:00.000-07:00

damn...
the exam is near...
and i dunno shit bout what i know and what i don't...
ayin has been trying to convince me that everything gonna be ok...
i guess everything is ok...
but it's me who's not ok...
i need self motivation right now...
i need the old me...
i need strength...
most of all...
i need to repent!
dush!

it sucks

2008-05-21T21:53:00.000-07:00

TELL ME ABOUT IT....

man u vs chelsea

2008-05-18T23:56:00.000-07:00

yeay!!!
man u wins last night!!!
a complete match?
1st half was controlled by man u...
2nd half was like watching only chelsea playing the ball...
red card for drogba...
unscored penalty from ronaldo...(wtf???)
extra penalty...
and others...
despite the fact that i am happy that man u wins...
i'm just not in the mood to write...
so man u fans...YEAY!!!!!
to chels...better luck next time!!!muahahahaha!!!!

game night...

2008-05-18T23:41:00.000-07:00

last night was taboo night at emran's place...
at first i was soooo malas to go...
since the exam is like 3 inches away...
but...considering the chaos in my head right now...
i plan to give it a break (ya rite.......)
i met set (excuse the spelling,k!!!) and he was not in my team...
tp die klaka gile,ok!!!!
i can't forget this one description he was trying to explain...

the word :DRAG...
i can't remember the taboo words...
and he described it this way:
what do we call the action when...
you take the cat's tail...
and then u run away with it...

sangat xrelevan,huh!!!
but then we laugh our heart out since byk lg kot..
explanation lain u can actually use!!!
but note to the cat lovers:i don't think he ever did that to any cat... (which i doubt it also...)

all in all i enjoy that night...heheh...
nice meeting you,guys!!!
call me in for next taboo night!!

i miss...

2008-05-14T04:10:00.001-07:00

where are you???
i miss him...because...
he was there...
BACK then...
maybe i was the one who let him go...
where are you my dear friend?
mish yah!!

wooooooozaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

2008-04-24T04:37:00.000-07:00

this was taken from the muvie bad boysII...
aku xkuasa nak cite how and when they use it...
but i am using it when:

bile aku bebeeeeeeeel pjg2 kat amir explaining things and then he look at me and said,HAH??
when my spinster boss get coo-coo and emo x tentu pasal.well...i hear you bitch!!lonely,eyh??
my phone rang,and my mom on the other line trying her best to annoy me!!!
aku study...then bile wat exercise aku xleh nk jwb...urgh!!!PELUPE...dush!!
when i'm driving in various situation it can be....
bile aku bgn pagi nakg keja...heheh....
bile kakak aku tgh good mood...ini adalah kerana she will get loads of ideas to annoy me!!!(she got that from my mom!!) when she's in her OBSESSION yg pelbagai tu...
right now.bile aku depress with many things in my head..

and of course..

WHEN I'M BROKE!!! (which is basically all the time?huhu...)

tears...

2008-04-12T03:37:00.000-07:00

my kakak is not happy right now....
she is thousands miles away from me...
and i can't go there next to her...
making funny faces...stupid jokes...
to cheer her...
i can't bring her to her favourite place to eat...

i can't go and rent movies for her and watch for the whole day...
i feel so helpless...
i feel so useless...

whatever it is...i hope storm will go away soon...
and the sun shines back on her...oh, please dear Allah...
help my sister...
brings back her joy...
put her back in peace...

if this is the best for her...
please help her to go through it...

hang on there,sis...
i'll always be here...

watch your manners b***h!!!

2008-04-12T00:41:00.000-07:00

Last night i went for a movie with amir...it was at klcc...
normally aku prefer to watch at cineleisure...or gsc ou...
thanx to mugai for giving me this not wanted to watch muvie at tgv attitude...

tp since it was late and we just wanted to enjoy our night a bit instead of study...so, tgv klcc pon bolehlah!!!
then we got this seat that dkt pc abg counter tic tu nmpak mcm jauh je from screen...tp i feel like it was practically at my face jek...huhu..i exaggerate..i know..hehe...lucky me that the seat is at the centre...so, xdelah hampa sampai nk nangis...exaggerate again...

tp...tgh2 muvie nih...adela sorang b***h seating at my back...putting her feet at my armrest...i was like WAT THE F????

ko igt kaki ko tu CHANTEK sgt nk letak kat situ??
ko bkn tinggi pon sampai nk letak kaki mcm tu!!seat nih da design utk adapt ngan normal human being height...
ko bkn tgk muvie kat umah lah BAHALOL!!!!
mak ko x ajar ke adalah KURANG AJAR letak kaki mcm tu next to people!!oh,yess...mungkin ko nih memang kurang diajar...
for goodness sake!!!be civilized!!!use your brain instead of your ass!!!

i turn at her and said..."do you mind,IDIOT??"
with a sour face she put away her feet...
if you can't behave in a cinema...buy yourself a home theatre!!!or...rent the hall for yourself...
people don't appreciate watching movie with a schmuck!!

i am sorry...

2008-04-09T05:30:00.001-07:00

I am truly glad that my yatt has found her man...
she is now in good hands i'd say...
well at least i know eddie...
and i know yatt...

the last thing i wanna do is to hurt both of them...
but i guess i already did...

well...if it helps me to clear the air...
YES. I DID TOLD APINK THAT YATT CALL THEM MONYET.
but i did that not because of any bad intention...

but mostly because i was mad that eddie never stands up for her since the 1st dispute...and yatt address them as monyet to me despite the fact that she knows they are my friends also.i don't know how eddie can stands it, but i do know that i can't.looks like he never stands for the boys as well...

it might be hard for eddie...i am sorry that i lost my control.i shouldn't make any judgement on eddie. maybe he got his own reason for doing that. maybe it's for the best of yatt and the boys.as for yatt,you must be so hurt since the sampah incident. but dear...i'm sorry again.

i promise this will be the last. will never get in the way!!!

peace babe?

pwomises...

2008-04-06T04:00:00.001-07:00

"i promise i will take care of you..."
"i promise i will always love you..."
"i promise we will be friends forever..."
"i promise i will never forget you..."
"i promise we will always keep in touch..."
"i promise i will never breaks your heart..."

is these all just plain words that people hears at movies and just adapt it without even care of what it means...pls...dont use the word "promise" if you don't intend to keep it.

i've been hearing promises since i was a kid...i still remember most of the broken promises made to me. i always pray that i will never break my promises...but what a shame of me that i do break my promises...

to mama,papa,ayin and jaja...i'm sorry that i always broke my promises to be the best daughter and sister you have...i'm sorry...

to Yatt...i'm sorry that i used to break your heart when i went to the zoo without you.and many other promises i broke...i'm sorry...

to sai...sorry that i broke my promise to always be with you...i was a bitch that time.i'm sorry...

to awaz,apink,eddie and apek...sorry that i promise to always keep intouch...but sometimes i forget to even sms you guys...i'm sorry...

to others that i might forget about breaking my promises...i'm sorry...deeply...
please...if you ever made any promises...keep it...
DON'T MAKE PROMISES YOU CAN'T KEEP...it's a bit silly to do that...dontcha think??

I wasn't mad...

2008-04-06T03:46:00.000-07:00

My dear sis...
Excuse me for acting that way...
i wasn't mad..but i was being stupid...
PEACE!!!
love yah!!

my guardian angels...

2008-04-06T02:46:00.001-07:00

Awaz :My SAYANG...she stands above all my sayangs?? huhu... I sayang her cos she stands by me... we share our passions...We share a lot of things together...she hears me...and i love her...

Apink :Always my best buddy!!! having him around is more than enough to make me feels like i am being protected and cared no matter what.i love apink also...he knows that!!!

Eddie :He have his own character.that sometimes it actually inspired me.he was the one who first thought me it is no crime to say TERIMA KASIH...Eddie also listens.and i love eddie as much as i love the rest of the gang!

Apek :I can't say that i know him that well...but i know for a fact that i also love having him.sometimes he do give me his time,ears and thought.i wouldn't ask for more than what he already is. and for that, i love him too!!!These are my angels...don't you dare take them away from me...or worse don't dare to even think of hurting them!!

mistake kah...

2008-04-04T05:49:00.000-07:00

Taken from The O.C about mistake,bad experience,and EX...

"You shouldn't try to forget it...
instead...live with it..."

i guess it's true!!!
becoz i was once trying really hard to forget syazwi...which is my ex...
hasilnye:

aku semakin gile teringat kat die...and die langsung tak igt kat aku!!HAMPEH!!
i was freakishly not myself!! (nangis kat abg petronas sbb x jual top up streamyx..IDIOT!!)
calling him again and again and again...i lost count...LUPE kah kalau begini????

and many other stupid things yang aku sendiri xleh nk terima!!!!!

finally i find my way out...
i change my life totally...i get a job...
i make new friends..meet new people...
and most of all instead of blaming him or myself...
i ACCEPT it...

and now...
the result:

i am with someone else!!!yeay!!
i enjoy my life to the fullest!!
i FORGET him!!!! MY BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT...

thanks to my dear kakak who never stop trying to lift me up...despite the fact that i am already helpless and giving up...will never forget that!!!

people who understands me...TRULY

2008-03-01T21:06:00.000-08:00

This two girls has the almost the same attitude and behavior!!!
i love this two chics soooooo much!!!!
because they know my good and my bad...
and they accept it as it is...(well...how i sees it la!!!)
ngee...

start fresh?

2008-03-01T20:43:00.000-08:00

me:
According to:
Ayin: degil, focus, determine, energetic.
(in informal version..said ayin:
short term memory lost, stubborn,hearing problem, eating prob)
SIOT PUNYE KAKAK!!!
The BFF: friendly, outspoken,achiever, energetic, honest.
Elyn: crazy, sweet, smart, cute, strong.
Amir: rebellious, smart, naughty, ngade, lazy.
Reza: independent, adventurous, caring, choosy.

Feel free to add!!