paranoid....

i am paranoid.
i am scared.
i am trembling.

i asked amir and yatt how are we going to continue our life without mama and papa...
i haven't got the answer yet...
but...right now...my guts are challenging me...my heart are questioning me...myself are lost again...

i thought...

• it would be cool to hang out till late at night without the annoying beeps and rings from the phone from 'PAPACOOL' asking my whereabout and when to be back...but wud it still be fun when the phone doesn't make the annoying sound because there is just no one to care?
• to dress any way i want without nobody telling me it's wrong...would it still be fun if it is because there is also nobody to tell me what i wear is nice and beautiful and makes my day?
• to fail in exam without feeling guilty and scared of disappointing them...will i still be happy if they are not around to say,"It's ok Haniz...bukan rezeki Haniz...try again next time..." i bet i will live with the guilt when they are not around...gosh!!!it sux...
• to go back home without no one in the house...with or without them...it is NOT GOOD at all!!!!!!

i am scared...i am sad... i am confused...they are getting old...yes...i can accept that fact...but they are sick...i am NOT OK with that...

i know it all comes from the Almighty...well...i am hoping that Allah will ease their pain...will give them health...will give me the chance to redeem my wrongdoings towards them and be a good daughter as much as they dream of...

life goes on...

* To mama and papa...I LOVE YOU.