stop,look,turn

yep,that's what i'm going to do...

i'm going to stop for a while...

grieve,cry,yell until it drain me...

then i'm going to look back on the good memories i'm going to leave behind...

look back at all good times...

look at him for one last time...

and TURN AROUND...

moving on...

life goes on.

Dear Ayin...

When we were kids…we’ll play at the ‘padang’ in front of our house in gemas. We were not so allowed to go and play at the field downhill our house.. but we had our friends screaming at our window at sharp 5-6 pm… “Jayyeeenn!!! Haniiizzz!!! Jum main galah panjang!!!” if it’s not galah panjang,it might be ‘rounders’ using any wood we cud find to make it as the bat and stole papa’s tennis ball…draw circles at the sandy field to play ‘kejar-kejar’…or else we went to play konda-kondi…when our beloved cousins (k.ina, harris and halim) came to our house during skool holidays…we’ll race riding our bicycle down the hill…and ran crazily back up when we heard papa’s bike roar…
I’m glad that I’m sharing my childhood with my sister, friends and cousins…

When it’s time for her to leave for the boarding school…we started to drift apart…maybe that time she already found her new circle…I was devastated…I was somehow alone…we no longer share our dirty little secrets, we never even talk but yelled and screamed at each other. And when I was accepted in the same school with her, things got even worse…this was also the time when we rarely talk with our cousins…
I wonder what went wrong, I wonder where were the close girls in that pink and blue jumpsuit????

But as time goes by…so does the dramas…still don’t know what was the turning point, she was in her final year and I was in form 3,we started to get along well… she even came and visit me during my spm week with her friend abg min in his yellow Volkswagen!! thanks guys!!! Things started to get better that time…she was in jb and I was in kl…I always made occasional visit and slept over in her college. I even joined her in her class one day!! She gave me the pre-uni class preview!!
We started to become partner in crime!! Coolness…


When mama fell ill…she was already home. Our family’s condition got worse. She never failed to hold my hands when I cried at her longing for mama to be ok and our financial to be better…it was raya when she told me in a very slow tone, “mama sakit,nanti kite pakai baju pape pon time raya xpe kan?” I remember nodded and say, “it’s oklah for 2 of us…at least get something for rehan and jaja” I followed her to jln tar and bought the baju raya…I can’t remember any expensive baju raya I had until now…except those ready-made rm30-40 baju raya she bought that day…I remember the colour, the shop, the design…when she style it in front of the mirror and said, “how do I look???”
I could never asked for a more strong and sweet sister like her!!!

When the storm hits her, I remembered seeing her crying and said, “I can’t go on, Nisz…” I stand behind her lifting her up when she’s about to fall. I hate to tell her that what she is doing is wrong. No matter how wrong it looked to me, I will never tell her it was wrong. I want her to see it herself coz 1 thing for sure I won’t tell her, “I told you so!!” (dgn muke keji. I hate it when people do that to me. I learnt my lessons my way. Shut up and go away!!) what I’ll do I will never give up to lend my ears, my thoughts, my hands, all of me. All wrongs will go right…eventually…
I’m so proud of her that she managed to go through it…that’s my girl!!!!

And now, my sister is having the time of her life…still there for me even she’s like thousands miles away…still holds my hand, still lift my spirit, still keeps my secrets, still share my passions, still the same…still my sister when we played kejar-kejar, still my friend to hide my mischief, still my teacher to teach me lessons of life, still my guts when I stumbles, still my role model, my soul-mate, my partner in crime, my friend, my sister, my AYIN.

Happy birthday dear sis…I could never ask for more…
Have a blessed life ahead…LOVE YA!!

Happy Brithday Papa

So 54 years ago my hero was born…
27 years later on the same date, he was given a gift from my mom that a husband could ever asked for on their birthday…
A first child…a daughter…my soul mate…

I will never asked for a man with a ridiculously impossible super power to be my hero…
I don’t need a man who can fly…when I called him crying saying that I’m afraid with my coming exam and I freaked out that I forgot ayin’s phone number…
He was there on the very next day, smiling and mocking me for being such a baby…told you…he doesn’t have to be able to fly right?

When I cried like crazy over some unworthy EX-boyfriend, he doesn’t need the power to kill people with his mind…but that bloody EX-bf was as good as dead to me when he still pat me on my head telling me that it’s not worth it…(Even he always disapprove me and the ex all along…I was being stubborn.. yep,that’s me.)

I can’t say that I am his most beloved girl in his life since he got another 4 to give out his love equally… but I can say that he gives more than enough love and care in my life. I hope when I finally get married, he will be there… he will still be there to hold my first baby as on the day he was holding my soul mate and me… I hope he will be able to see my husband loves me as much as he loves my mom… (HE REALLY LOVES MY MOM…everybody knows that!!! ;p)…I hope he can sees it in my eyes how much I love my children as much he loves us…

Today is his birthday…my hero…I am wishing him upon all the stars that shines above me, for his good health, blissful life, red and warming heart and a full bless and prosperous life from my dear Allah… to my dear papa, haniz sayang papa…you knows it,I knows it…now, everybody knows it!!!
It’s true right…love is one of the most greatest feeling in this world…
So, folks…love your parents, sisters, husband, wives, friends and of course, YOURSELF!!! ONE LOVE.