stopnow..

i have a new interest now..
i don't feels like blogging anymore.
i now have a place to put my joy,tears and anger..
hoyyeh!! hoyyeh!! hoyyeh!!

shout out

Ayin..my soulmate. u always there for me. a true definition of partner-in-crime. dun worry too much about your future. if you are meant to be. nothing can change that. just go with the flow while at the same time keep on praying and ENJOY your life. oh..try to stop teasing me with my sengal attitude!!
Yatt...you are one wonderful girl. kau la kwn aku yg sgt 'loyal' to your other half. so while kau bkn in loyal mode,lets enjoy our single life together before you get busy with your NEW life later. he's out there somewhere but i'm here..always here..so,let's go for movie,swimming,futsal,mamak,jln2,go crazy and what-not..we had our fun and let's continue doing it!we are married to each other remember?
Elin..knowing you is a blessing. credits to yatt. you have your sengal k.ros around but it didn't keep us away from having fun. k.ros is a good person. mainly sbb die xkisah melayan kesengalan aku, yatt n ko secara berkumpulan. treasure him. love his good and bad.
K.ros..sila layan/jaga/sayang elin. sbb aku tau mana nak carik ko if u hurt her.heheh..
Man..you are like a brother i never had. at the same time you are a friend yg sgt rugi kalau hilang. no matter what. thank you.
zafrul..you are one nice guy. but your words that you describe me to your gf is ridiculous. "SYG TP X DPT" WTH? treat her nice. remember you choose her. go for it.we'll remain friends. i prefer the idea of us as a friend more than anything.
Apink/Awazsayang/Apek/Airdy..sayang korang sampai mati. xmau hilang korang. yet xleh lepak slalu like dulu2..sheeshh...
Izra..i rasa sheila da start giving you a green light sign. go for it,babe!!
ezany@bay..where on earth are you??sibuk bercinta sampai x igt scandal lama ke?? hate you!heh..
Opah..i'm sorry of what happen to you right now. be strong. i'm around if you need me. anytime.

ishq

muhabbat hay mushkil karnaa
woh hay kiyoon log sar anjaan dena paagal cheez kab woh hayn andaar ishq
yaa log hayn munsif paagal

i wish Ramadhan never end

aku da berbulan xbole tido mlm, so i always wide awake during sahur.i called zafrul this morning for wake up cal...then zafrul ckp,u...tinggal 2 minggu je lg puasa...suddenly aku rasa mcm suffocate...aku literally xleh bernafas...i am so happy during this ramadhan...aku try my best utk x gaduh ngan mama or even adik beradik aku...aku try to refrain myself from doing anything bad...to be frank,the reason i did that not only because ini bln Ramadhan,tp sbb bulan ini lah papa ada dgn kami...aku selalu ckp sorang2 (read:i am not crazy) as if aku borak ngan papa...i remember,while studying at 4am, i said.."pa,kalau la Haniz pass paper ni...Haniz belanja diri sendiri kambing!!" papa tau aku x mkn kambing,and aku tau papa suka kambing!! sgt...aku sgt bahagia Ramadhan ini...pelik..sbb Ramadhan ini papa takde dgn aku,tp aku sgt treasure every second thinking that he is with me...tapi...Ramadhan almost over...aku rasa mcm nk stop the time...so that Syawal never comes...sorry...aku tau salah utk aku fikir camni...i can't help it. Tapi xpe, aku sudah tahu cara utk bersabar. Maka, aku akan bersabar dgn dugaan tuhan ini.aku akan cuba utk tak sedih bila Ramadhan pergi.Aku akan cube tak nangis bila malafazkan takbir menyambut Syawal dan menghantar papa pergi ke "tempat" dia.Aku akan doakan papa pergi dlm keadaan tenang dan handsome seperti biasa. Aku akan sabar tunggu "masa" aku akan jumpa papa.aku sudah tak kisah tidak mimpikan papa. aku pernah mengadu, menangis dekat Tuhan, ayin ngan amir sbb aku x mimpikan papa. tapi sekarang aku cuma perlu bersabar. sbb aku yakin Tuhan akan tetap jumpa kan aku dgn papa.Aku cuma perlu yakin dgn kuasa Tuhan, tunaikan tanggungjawab aku sbg hamba dan sabar. kan? tapi aku masih mengharap Syawal lambat lagi...Haish..susah betul utk Haniz berubah!!

sick of being sick

among other things yg aku admire dekat papa was his willingness to do everything sincerely...
mintakla kat papa apa sahaja...selagi hanya perlu guna tenaga...dia selalu akan ckp OK...
contohnya, after his long busy day and suddenly terasa cam nakgi 7E beli air coke in the middle of the night...cakap saja dekat papa...he will make a goofy face and suddenly tgk die dah siap pegang kunci motor and ask,"nak pegi x?" (pjg aku explain..huhu)
so,now that he's gone...aku cuba utk jdk mcm papa...cuba utk buat semua selagi aku terdaya...tp aku x mcm papa,papa x complain...aku kdg2 complain!! hehe...i was tested few weeks before Ramadhan when jaja got sick and requiring us to make few trips to Sabak-KL-Sabak-KL (i lost count!) and then off to Gemas to settle some errands...then my body cannot tahan already...i was hit with fever,flu,cough,sorethroat,headache and body pains..went to the clinic twice as i found out i was allergic with the antibiotic and give me a hell-like pain!!!
then come friday where i was supposed to fetch Jaja,and after taking the meds i was so sure that i can drive to fetch Jaja as promised...but alhamdulillah i collapse upon arriving at umah cik ya.i can't imagine if i passed out while driving! then i admit that i wasn't as strong as papa..don't get me wrong here,i am not complaining or anything...it is my responsibility to do whatever that i did before...i know i was also sick due to my eating habits and my insomnia problem..i just wish that i am stronger physically and mentally if not like him..ALMOST? can? haha..i'm ok now...except for the flu and cough that refuse to go away...and missing him badly...especially during the fever and having to drive myself to the clinic was more painful than the physical pain itself...i kinda missing having that GUY to send me to the clinic when i am sick..people,u might be bored to have to read this..tell you the truth,i just wish to ease the feels of missing him like this...cause it hurts more than getting sick...

best of you..

"@!#$ la ko pink..ko claim ko kwn aku..ko claim ko syg aku..mana ko when i need u hah??"
"demm u..ko yg tinggalkan aku.."
"apsal ko xnk carik aku?"
"sbb aku xnk terhegeh2 kat ko..ko yg call aku out of nowhere marah2"
"ko ego..say it!!"
"ye..aku ego.."
"ko mmg keji ko tau x.."
"kalo aku keji aku x pick up call ko..aku xkan call blk kan??"

despite whatever happened,i found my old friend back..
it's been almost 6 months i guess we haven't talk to each other..
but now..i won't stop at anything for any friendship that i have.
pink..i'm sorry and thanks for still being my friend!!

day 1

aku gerak gi cherating with literally EMPTY heart...
aku drive with 50-50 feelings to go...
tp on the way tu...aku baca doa...
"Ya,Allah...u have every rights utk xnk lindung aku sepanjang aku gerak ni...
tp aku mintak kalau kau sudi lg pandang aku as hamba mu...
kau lindunglah aku dr kebodohan dlm membuat keputusan,dr hambamu lain yg berniat jahat,dr makhlus halus ciptaanmu,dr bencana...sbb semuanya dtg dr kau...kalau apa2 terjadi...aku tetap redha..tp aku mintak kau tlg la tgk2 kan mama tu...heh"
so aku pon drive la...aku drive sgt slow...sbb aku xkejar pape pon...
sampai kan pakcik polis yg tgh buat speed trap kat bwh jambatan pon aku bole lambai!!(bangga sbb aku bwk slow...tp pakcik polis tu xtau aku xde lesen!!!hahahaha...)
aku trus drive gi KT sbb aku lapa n aku nk mkn kopok losong...aku minum ngan air sirap...
sedap gile...pas2 aku jln2 cket then aku patah blk cherating...aku mmg plan nakg KT tp sepatutnye bkn on 1st day...huhu...otw gi cherating...aku pening pk nk tido mana...aku smpai kat camp site...tp bile aku ckp nk sewa tent,pakcik tu mrh aku...ckp bahaya lah...nk ujan lah...tolak rezeki tol pakcik tu...tp mungkin Allah menjauhkan aku dr "kebodohan membuat keputusan", maka aku trus gi tmpat makcik duyung yg keji...(aku mmg benci die sejak beberapa tahun lepas...),tp aku just nk bg makcik duyung excited ada customer je!!aku masuk dlm utk buat uturn je...pas2 aku gi check in kt tempat lain...aku crk bilik yg kiri kanan ada org..sbb aku penakut...time aku tgh terkial2 nk bukak pintu...minah saleh bilik sebelah tegur aku...(nama die elodi)french..."alone?"..."err...yep!u?"..."with partner..you from here?" aku da start bosan...sbb aku nk kejar sembahyang and aku penat gile..."no...see...i have to pray for a while...talk to u later,ya!" mmg la aku xkan kua semata nk ckp ngan die kn...dhla aku xpaham sgt ape die ckp!!aku kan MELAYU....heheh....da setel sume,aku amik buku "aku terima nikahnye..." pegi kat batu2 tepi laut...dgn air coke...perasan foreigner cket la time tu...eventho baca buku bertajuk itu...huhu...baru 2 chapter aku baca...elodi dtg...tp kali ni die bwk gang...didier(partner die),jaeden ngan tedric...aku suspect jaeden ngan tedric gay..kali ni aku paham ape deyrang ckp...sbb jaeden ngan tedric american...kitorang plan nakgi dinner...tp aku tinggalkan deyrang,sbb aku nakgi amek gambar serombong api kat kerteh tu...huhu...tp aku end up mkn kat tmpat aku,ayin,man ngan amir penah mkn time trip kitorang dtg sini...time tu aku cam sedey sbb tis time aku mkn sorang...smpai je kat chalet,aku nmpak elodi kat depan pintu bilik aku...ape kebenda la minah ni nak????aku senyum...then die ckp,"wanna play ball?"..."oh,yeah!!!" time tu aku x sedar aku ni pendek....hasilnye...deyrang confuse aku ngan bola...sbb dgn aku2 skali tergolek kat pasir tu...didier tolak aku kat laut tgh2 mlm tu...aku emo gile!!!lepas main kitorang lepak kat luar...aku minum air mineral...deyrang minum air kencing setan...time borak...elodi tanya aku asal mana sbb kot2 la die nak dtg kan...aku ckp,"i'm from chemor...u know where?"...sume pn buat muke kayu
best jugak membodohkan mat saleh ni...

i just dun feel like...

shud i say more?

shud i leave now?

shud i just stop hoping?

shud i keep it to myself?

coz...i just dun feel like...

no guts...

just read ayin's blog...
pasal komen yg die 'jamak' kan trus tu..
hehe..
about my entry tribute to papa...
still trying to find the guts to write about papa...
because i always ends up suffocate...
guess i am not strong yet to write about it...
or maybe i am still in denial..
i dunno...
but...life goes on...
will come back on it...
hehe

nice one!

"zaf...feels like hanging out in kl today?"
"in the office la.."
"nah...be there in 10 mins...tell dave u got migraine or anything"
"hah??"
so...he was with me settling my errands...always nice to have sumone accompanying me doing all the matters...
to k.zila's sis hse...then tm point...then car wash...then sunway college...then uitm...
none of the above involve any kopitiam, shopping mall, mc d or any other hot spot to chill...as some might say...heh
but it was fun!!!
"crazy la u..."
"wat did u tell dave"
"migraine?"
"wat did he say"
"come back tomorrow?"
fun...
thanks zaf for your time,ya!!!
and also thanks for buying me those books!!
"have you watched syurga cinta?"
"nope..i tunggu die kua astro je time raya nnt"
"bought the dvd last night"
"no you didn't!!"
"for my 'mental' sis laa" (sorry ayin!!!hahaha!!)
"why syurga cinta?"
"she got this 'movie night' there..so,kinda getting over their homesick by watching the malays?"
and both of us...
"LEMMAHHH LEMBUUUTTT!!!!"
fun zaf...fun...

tribute to my papa (episode 3)

oh, where... oh, where...
can my baby be...
the lord took him away from me...
he's gone to heaven...
so i've got to be good...
so i can see my baby when i leave this world...

i was looking for you pa...
hoping you would come in my dreams...
you would come next to me...
but i guess i was looking too far...
you are always here with me...
your blood are in my veins...
your traits are in us...
i should have known...
i just miss you so much,pa...

yang dulu usah dirindu...
hilangkanlah demi kasihmu...
doaku buatmu kekasih...

"Pa!! ramli sarip la!!!
suara kena betull!!!"
yep...i miss that moment...
keep on playing in my head whenever i miss you...
i will not hurt myself missing you...
i will make you happy by praying for you...
i hope it reaches you...

seumpama rama-rama...
terbang bebas di udara tanpa ada halangan...
riang ria tanpa ada...
rasa duka sengketa...

i hope you'll be free like your favorite song there...
i hope you won't feel any pain out there...
ayin told me that you'll be given a 'hijab' to see us here...
pls laugh when i made a joke...
pls be proud when i do something good...
pls dun be mad when i tease mama, ayin and adik2...
pls forgive me if i forgot to be a good girl...
i love u,pa...

di pondok kecil...di pantai ombak...
berbuih putih...beralun-alun...
di suatu hari ayah berkata...
jaga adikmu...
ayah kan pergi jauh...

pa...u never told me that...
u never let me know that you are leaving us...
but i promise you i will take care of adik2...
jauh sungguh papa pegi...
i miss u...

video released..

to elin n k.ros..
as per requested..
haha!!
to the rest..enjoy!!



*no kodok was harmed during the making of this video.

Cheer up..

To Yatt..
Hari ini kau datang riang..
Tersenyum buatku senang..
Kau hias dirimu..
Membuat hati bertambah sayang..
Tapi semalam wajahmu muram..
Mengapa dewi mengapa..
Adakah au bersalah..
Cubalah dewi katakan..
Jangan dewi..jangan begitu..
Senyum..senyumlah selalu..
Manis..riang..
wajah bertambah ceria!!

remember this song?
then remember how much i hate to see you CRY!

enough.

I am DONE with all these drama of crying and heartbreaks..
Laugh at me all you want..
I am tumbling down now but...
i guarantee you i am not a quitter..
i have people that i know they will love me unconditionally..
i will stand up tall..
i will move forward without looking back anymore..
i will live my life only with people who'll appreciate me..
i will not break down and cry over this pathetic old me..

my other half..

today..i left my phone at home...
since i was late so i never make the uturn...
then had dinner with the girls (that includes u eh k.ros!!)
yatt said,"kalo aku tertinggal phone aku x senang duduk..takut anything happen.."
i smirked...
when i arrived home..there are about 40 missed calls and 10 msgs from mama,papa,c.lik,c.ya..
sekampung lah msg asking about AYIN..
coz got accident involving bus in Mecca.
i snapped literally..
what yatt said haunts me..
i called ayin..but couldnt get through..worried level goes to 50%
called k.zila..she didn't pick up on the 1st attempt..worried level up to 60%
called fatima..couldnt get through...worried level up another 20%
i called man..hoping that ayin contacted her..but as man always do..he said nothing happen to her..asking me to stay calm..it helps..
i rushed to yatt's room...
another way that can help me to ease my worry is YATT..
i made another attempt to k.zila..and she picked up..
upon hanging up..my worried level goes down to 50%..
i am not convinced until i hear from my soulmate..i feel like crying..
then received sms from k.zila..
"Haniz, kak zila tnya a few MAQ commitee diorang ckp x de dpt news apa2 pn,lg pn maybe she ran out of credit,sbb roaming, last few days ada dia msg srh kak zila top up kan fon dia, x worry ada apa2 sure kitorang tau dulu, x worry"
thanks k.zila..thanks man..thanks yatt..
dear ayin..pls be safe..u promised me to be ok kan..
call me!!!

Breakfast jom!!

Esok is FRIDAY..yay!!
I am SOOOO in the mood for breakfast tomorrow!!!
Oh..matahari pls come out!!
haha..happy friday!!

bunch of joy?

With these girls...
being single...is not a problem to me!!
yay!!
thanks girls!!

weekend...oh weekend...

it's wednesday..
and aku bosan..can't wait for the weekend!!
recap last weekend..
i did..
this


kalo korang nk buat kenduri or event and mengambil lelaki ini sebagai penghibur..xyah invite aku ye..
no offence!! tp bole invite yatt,elin dan k.ros!!

this
do u know how confusing colours can be?? (eheh..) red bole jd pink/white..tp kalau green kite ckp blue..ape ek kite panggil??? k.ros?peace!!

this

everybody kenal number kan??now..try this...as you drive and jln JAMMED..(bkn sumbat t*** ok!!) add the numbers..e.g 6+6+8+7=27..sape cepat menang!! sile jgn menjerit/mentibai jawapan anda!!!

this
oopss..aku tertido time cite ni..heheh...tp okla cite die..kott...sile tanye yatt..

and..this...

kalau nk tgk yatt berkelakuan luar biasa...sila letak mamat ni depan die..sungguh!!hilang gelak mengilai die!!trus tekun tgk AF!!katanye nk tunjuk kat anuar yg die minat industri tempatan (something like dat la..kan elin?) oh..dan elin suruh boyfriend die ke tepi sbb block VIEW die nk tgk mamat ni!!nsb baik die x soh k.ros balik!!heh..btw..kitorang tgh lepak minum time ternmpak mamat ni minum at the same place..

huh..esok baru thursday!!sheesh..bila nk wiken lg ni...

B*D*S la ko!!!

i wanna go CRAP today...
sharing with you how crappy these people were on the road just now..
and how many B*D*S drivers i've encounter in just 1 hour!funny but true

Driver A - Ko B*D*S sbb beria rapat ngan keta depan becos xmau bg aku masuk...ko rapat la camne pon...jln jammed kott!!not like you are going to be thousands km away from me after i get into the line. aku bkn ptg queue,ok!!aku kua junction!!lgpon aku angkat tgn mtk nk masuk..rakyat malaysia beradab??tipu.

Driver B - Ko B*D*S sbb ko xsaba2 nk ptg queue smpai almost hit the abg motor on the other side..which part of JLN JAM yg ko x paham??chill jela in your line.nothing much you can do.if can't stand the pressure,take the lrt..xpon stay kat ofice tu dulu smpai jam subside.nobody wants to share the road with u anyway.

Driver C - Ko B*D*S sbb honk aku bile aku give way kat auntie tu to cross the road. Come on la wey!!it's drizzling and she's holding soooo many bags..ok,maybe die x street smart coz crossing the road like that.but hey..u dun have to wait for hours kott nk tunggu auntie tu cross!!WTH is wrong wit u la??

Driver D - Ko B*D*S sbb ko ptg queue aku..ko drpd blkng aku je kot..pas2 da jln mmg jam..xjauh ko beli pegi..Ko lebih B*D*S bile ttp nk overtake keta depan in JLN AMPANG..WTH??mmg xkan berjaya la attempt ko tu!!you are hillarious!!aku gelak gile..and i know u can see me!!maybe ko da termalu..dan ya..ko ikut emergency lane kat mrr2..but..bkn ko sorang je yg B*D*S di lane itu..maka ko ttp stuck bersama mereka yg seIQ dgn ko..and..bile lane aku berjaya pass keta ko..ko lah manusia plg B*D*S bile aku turn kat ko and show the VERY GOOD sign and you turn out to be..MY BOSS!!! wakakakakakaka!!!! BOSSKU BUDUS.

i locked myself again???

Haniz is so well known with absent-minded attitude...
like mama always said,"kalau hidung tu x melekat,mesti hilang jugak!!"
i always misplace my things...
books,receipt,names,KEYS..name it!!
(ayin knows better!!)
recently,i locked my room and i brought different set of keys!!
so, me and yatt struggle like crazy to break in through the window panel...
mind you..this is like the 3rd time i locked the room with the keys inside!!(kan yatt??)
normally the windows are open..so,i have no problem to climb in..
but not this time!!
final result was...window knob patah!!sheeshh...
yatt ckp,"ko duplicate and bg aku kunci tu!!"
darm,"ko duplicate and letak kat depan"
huhu..sgt best housemate ku ini!!haha...
WILL DUPLICATE THE KEYS!! all of them!huhu..
any ideas on how to get rid of this PELUPE attitude???
it's killing me!!heh..

PRIVATE and CONFIDENTIAL

Random talk...
if u are in a relationship...
here are some things that i think you shud consider...

1. Don't try to screen his/her phone to make sure that no particular rivals contacted him/her..
2. Don't browse his/her emails...
3. Don't sign in to his/her friendster/facebook
4. Don't go through his/her stuff and check his/her payslip to know how much he/she earned
   

come on la weh...respect la people cket...mmg la die partner ko...tp kalo dah camni...x suffocate ke?saje kan nk carik pasal??nk carik salah partner ko??
what the hell is your problem la??i know..aku pon penah buat perangai budus ni dulu...but i stop literally...the least i know the better...i believe he will always be true to me...BUT kalau kantoi...i have a very good reason to be mad kan??
after all relationship is about trust...kalo ko claim ko buat camtu sbb ko syg...tipu la...ko nk OWN die kott...
okeh...dah...gud night!!

i miss you...

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

I am zainal's

went to have dinner wit mama n papa...
eventho sgt sekejap we met...i am so in peace right now...
we actually planned to meet earlier...
but due to my workload since closing dateline is near and the heavy downpour
causing the LRT delaying its service for 3 hours and the traffic...
so we only manage to hv our dinner at around 10.40...
sampai je...i eagerly said,mama xmau tgk besday present mama ke???
(eventho it was't from me...heh...it's from ayin.i just can't wait to see their happy face since ayin is giving them something that they love!!)
when i gave mama's gift...as usual lah kan...tears rolled down...
she said chantek...mama suke...and when she read the card...the tears are heavier than the rain just now!!!heh...
papa is not the type who will show his emotions...control macho...
but when he saw his gift (watch) he automatically open his old ones and replace with the new one...
telling me,"niz,bukak kan plastic ni...set kan time...jgn ikut time doha plak..."hehe...
and the old one are safely placed in the case of the new one...
when i offered him to adjust tali jam...he said it's ok and he still looked at the watch while eating...
yin, u are not around to see all this...and i'm trying my best to describe the whole situation to u..
mama eat with your card on her lap...and she was the one who holds the paper bag before we leave the kedai makan...
i know they appreciate your gift...they love it because they got it from u...not because of the gift itself....
just so u know,i'm so glad to see all this and course to be apart of this family...
like u said,tho we are not perfect...we complete each other!!
love yah!!!

Undefined

Please provide me strength and wisdom to face this
please grant me health to go through this
please don't take my loved ones coz they are my pillars of strength
and most of all PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME and help me through this
i promise not trying to complaint anymore for Ayin always reminds me
"Whatever that YOU give me...good or bad things...there's always reason behind it"
i believe it...i have faith in it...please test me because you still love me...

I NEED SOME SLEEP...

it has been too many sleepless nights...
too many scary thoughts...
too many things in my head that won't go for at least 5-6 hours for my brain to rest...
i need a good sleep...
a peaceful one...

define it...

wat does a kiss on valentine's day means???
if u received it from sumone who don't even give u a kiss before...
even during your birthday....
who once told you that he likes you...
and you told him that how you value the friendship...
but you can't go beyond that...
does it still consider as a "we-are-friend" kiss???
"i-love-you-as-a-friend" kiss????
sungguh....aku confuse...
and annoyed...sgt...
(yatt...ko diam!heh...)